Today is Pullaiyaar’s birthday. In so many cosmic years of the existence of universe, we have conspired in so many ways to ensure that the poor guy remained a bachelor. In some corner of the history, we have given him two wives, Buddhi and Siddhi, but by and large the man's Facebook status will read 'Single'. We have characterised him such that he shall remain so forever.
First of all, making him the “First among the equals” of Gods, we have equated him to the level of Dr. Manmohan Singh. That dubious credit that we gave him is like your Manager praising you at the appraisal meeting but your rating going down like the rupee.
Look at the family background. The parents did a love marriage. This in itself is a non-starter. And the father is one ganja smoking guy who lives in cemetery and all. Only the mother is from a royal family. But then the family is located at the top of a cold mountain. How will the Assistant Systems Engineer girl from TCS, Siruseri relocate there? I mean it is not the USA or London. Tata doesn’t have branches in the Himalayas or Manasarovar as far as I know.
And then there is daddy Shiva’s huge army of ‘Bouncers of the Kailash Club’. These guys will make good helpers during wedding arrangements. But imagine getting Ramraj veshtis for everyone and feeding them. Wedding catering cost will definitely come close to India’s fiscal deficit even if it is only limited meals on the wedding day.
If that is not bad, we devised for him the worst plan to conquer the world – take care of parents and respect them. When Cartoon Network could create greatness like Mojo Jojo, our Vedic scholars and Anant Pai could only manage to create the most un-matrimonial plans of all time. This respect-parents-and-win-the-world will never go well with bride’s family who want the bride to live in a nuclear family which will consist of the Pullaiyaar, the bride, the bride’s father and the bride’s mother.
Our groom Pullaiyaar has no assets on his name. All he got is one small Jerry, the mouse. Even one software engineer with three years experience is buying a Pulsar or a Nano car in EMI. Clearly, owning just a mouse makes Pullaiyaar a laggard in the rat race.
Also, there is this over-achieving younger brother. We've not let Pullaiyaar buy any "Luxury flat/villas @ cheap rates" in Oragadam or Vandaloor. He still languishes in street corners and aala maram shade. The arrogant atypical younger brother put one helluva fight for one transgenic mango fruit. But we have given the younger kid six houses in Tamil Nadu alone; all of them being mountain-side villas. And he owns one language and is the god of handsomeness and all. Shame on you humanity!
This mischievous younger brother has married two girls, one of them being an inter-caste love marriage. Game over for Pullaiyaar’s future. This will definitely send wrong signals to the bride’s family and make them doubt if Pullaiyaar is really “a smart, religious boy coming from a good family with strong cultural values”.
Leave all that. What a cruel joke we have made for his body! We mercilessly gave him a Zlatan-Ibrahimovician nose with Bappi Lahiri’s body. The belly makes him look like a casual drinker of two beers a day. This physique is accepted only for an Amerikka maappillai working in Google and having own house in the US of A. Not for some guy from the town of Pillaiyaarpatti and all.
Pullaiyaar is a nerd only, agreed. He won’t go to gym and all. But he has been the scribe of one big poetry book about the real “Game of Throne”. As a repayment, we've could have at least invented one good Sauna Belt for his disproportionate belly. Instead today we force feed him varieties of ghee soaked kozhukkattais and make his matrimony picture even more bloated.
Cha. How cruel have we been to the poor Pullaiyaar!
P.S.: Random thoughts. Not to hurt the sentiments of Pullaiyaar lovers like Velu Naicker and Bashaa bhai.
